I Grew Up In Narnia

•October 30, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I cannot believe it’s been one year since I was in Paris.  Actually a couple weeks over a year, but I remember being in Paris last Halloween.  It wasn’t a big deal then to the Parisiens, and it wasn’t a big deal to the Milanesi the year before when I was living in Italy during Halloween.  This is the first year since 2006 that I have been Stateside for this day.

I began to think about that.  I have felt at a loss for not traveling this year at all.  I was all over the globe for two years, and suddenly I’m fastened down here like I had been forced into a marriage and had a 30-year mortgage shoved down my throat.  I have wanted to travel so much, and only since a month ago have I had the excitement to know I’m going to visit Switzerland and Germany soon enough.  As you know since I can’t quit speaking about it.  lol

I know I have been saving, and that is a good reason to still be in NYC, but for those of you who have traveled and loved it, you know the withdrawal feelings.  I’m like an alcoholic with whiskey still coursing through my veins and having no luck in AA.  I can’t quit thinking about it.  All the places I want to visit, experiences I wish to digest, sights to comb through, smells to inhale by the gallon. . . I need to travel, and I’m not sure why I’m addicted.

I caress the frosted window next to me where I sit curled up on a train that glides across a soft snowfall over the Italian countryside.  My eyes drift lazily over powdered fields and white-dusted olive trees.  The rose streaks of a crisp winter sun that warm their ways through the glass and warm my skin.

Cool, cadet blue waters on the coast of Spain lap against the Catalan shores.  The carefree bodies of locals and those on summer pilgrimage sizzle on beds of hot, bronze sand.  Breezes yawn across the shores and rustle to life multicolored umbrellas and expansive beach blankets.  Naked bodies spread out on the secret patch of beach and absorb even more from the sun, private areas relieved of their tan lines.  And salt, the subtle tang of salt lilts through the air and dances the flamenco with the cavorting trumpets and plucky pianos and snappy snares.

Do you hear the soughing of Parisian accordions?  Do you smell the fresh grains of baguette just pulled from a hot oven?  Do you taste the cool, brisk morning as it opens up across your face where you stand atop l’Arc de Triomphe?  Do you taste the city?  Can you see the monumental buildings locked together around a glass pyramid?  Can you see the frame of the main tower where it needles into the graying sky?  Or the domes and spires of a lone church on the hill to the north of the city?

I could unfold scene after image after shot after photo of the places I have been, but I just want to open my brain into a massive space net, the type that captures solar rays, and just capture the world in images, absorb them into my mind.  I want to see the ice mountains and floes of Iceland; the pine wilderness of Alaska and the rivers that roll through fields of waist-high grass; the steep fjords of Norway and the fingers of navy blue water that flow in from the northern seas; the southern ports of Spain where heated winds billow in from the Straits of Gibralter where the Mediterranean Sea kisses the Atlantic Ocean; the capes of South Africa where the curvature of the Earth can be see from a hill.

I read recently C.S. Lewis discuss his idea of what joy is.  Now, Lewis is one of my favorite authors.  I grew up in Narnia.  But I realized I really agree with his definition.  In Surprised by Joy, he said, “The very nature of Joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting.”  I read that then, and I could only agree.  It reminded me of the first time I went to Italy.  That anticipation of going brought so much joy to me.  The weeks leading up to my flight out grew in intensity for me.  I floated on more and more air, walked on clouds, and any other number of euphoric cliches one might care to hurl into this parlance.  As time drew nearer, I began to count in days.  And the joy intensified.  Then it turned into hours as I looked at my luggage.  Finally, the drive to JFK morphed me into a bomb of elation.  But once I landed in Milan, I realized something.

I was there.  I reached the goal.

I still was so happy to be there, but my joy had shifted to just that: happiness.

After that, I realized that I experienced joy in those moments of anticipation, in those moments where my distinction was muddled between having a life in Italy and wanting it.  Does that make sense?  No?  I find it a trick to explain.  It might be best to explain it through the notion that having and wanting something are often confused in our minds.  Sometimes people want something so much, they envision having it before they do.  Sometimes people credit themselves with having something in advance under the near-certain assumption that they will receive it.  Many other “sometimes”‘s occur as well, but for this experience for me, it was the first.  I imagined living in Italy before I got there, and that imagination grew.  My joy intensified due to that.  My distinction was muddled.

I thought about the muddling of distinction more, and I began to wonder if a person can exist in that muddling.  I don’t mean in the sense of lunacy, because the definition he proffered doesn’t hold to lunacy, but we are humans.  We are never satisfied.  That means to me that there is always something we want, and we will always have something.  Something being a noun, and a noun being a person, place, thing, or idea for those of us who recall fourth-grade English class.

So I put forth that if one practices enough, one can live in the muddled distinction as if it were a constant high.  Now that makes me wonder what long-term effects might be: numbness to many other emotions? disconnection from normal social interaction? extreme case of level-headedness due to not coming down from that high of soaring above all problems?

Maybe this is a crazy conversation with myself here.  Maybe this whole idea is only clear in my mind.  Maybe some things I just can’t correctly explain.

Maybe someone will be on the same page.

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

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The Dark Journal: Excerpt #53

•October 11, 2009 • 1 Comment

I have received many private comments and emails from you about my writing projects.  I am flattered anyone is interested at all in reading anything I dribble out since to me, it is only drool.  Then again, a writer is his own worst critic.

I have been working on a trilogy for a few years now off and on, never really in a rush to finish it because I have wanted it to be perfect.  Well, let’s face it.  It will never be perfect to me because then I’d have nothing left to look forward to.

So I’m putting out a little bit here and there to see what anyone thinks.  If I am way off track and the writing is stupid or hard to follow or a hot plotless mess, I want to know.  I’d rather hear it from you all than from an editor or agent in my one shot at making it.

In my trilogy there is a main character, clearly.  He is a devious bastard.  It’s easy to label him that way, but of course, no good writer destroys someone in a book without showing a whole other side to things.  And I’m the kind of writer who loves to make you hate a character, then show you why you are so wrong for your judgments, and then I kill the character so you really feel bad.  haha  I’m so sadistic sometimes.  So in addition to the book, I’m scripting a journal for the main character, his thoughts and experiences and whatever he feels like jotting down.  I have and will refer to it off and on throughout the trilogy, so keep in mind this is an excerpt from his first-person perspective.

Today I will swim the breaststroke through the ocean of my thoughts.  I need maximum exposure, I need the full impact, the blunt force of the waves as they smash and hammer against me.  I need my muscles to completely liquefy, malleable, fluid.

I have regrettably permitted seven too many sessions with my thoughts to race by me without a dip or two in the chaos, in the Sea of Chaos.   More accurate most likely to call it such.  Just as when the Cosmos erupted from the Void, my most daring and duplicitous is born from my rotted, fetid mind when I remember all my valuable dark places.

Yesterday I remembered all of my darkness.  I slipped into its waters and side-stroked through the bracken, slow, gentle, respectful strokes that cooed apologies for my extended absences.  Each stroke eased my thoughts out of slumber and nightmare.  Each thought rose and swam with me and forgave me and kissed me.  I kissed them back, and they swirled and bubbled and woke other corners of the cauldron.  I had to leave them at a point so as to not fatigue my muscles, but how I yearned to return quickly.

Today, I swim hard.

My arms rise from the waters, pull up salt spray in their wakes.  My arms slice down, and my hands cut through the ocean’s skin.  They cut more, pinwheel beneath me and back up along my thighs, to explode out and up again, with wakes of more ocean blood.

My body has woken, wild and hungry.  It undulates through my thoughts, and I am a sea serpent.  My heart thunders, and my lungs are sacs aflame.  Breath mixes with salted water and swirls in my mouth; I can taste iron and tang.  For split seconds, half of my face is submerged, and half feels the frigid air of night.  One eye, in those halved seconds, sees deep down to the bottomless abyss, shows me flares of my devious potential.  My feet tingle.  The other eye glares back to the judgmental, haughty moon high on its midnight throne.

I broaden my strokes, bold, brazen; I defy the cold, white light as I have defied life every moment of my existence.  I force that witch moon to watch how much I revel in this undead, watery world.

I feel so alive!

The brine quenches my thirst, but that does not confuse me.  I finally reach shallow water, and my feet and arms claw me onto the shore.

I roll over to face the moon, my lungs still on fire, good, red fire, heaving, and I am excited anew.  I have determined how to kill the Mole, how to remove the Witche from this world, and how much fun it will be to ascend in the ranks of my Order.

And History will call me The Death of Things.

For I am not the hero.

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

Salt and Burn the Bones!

•October 10, 2009 • 4 Comments

As readers know, I have been working on a couple of debts, one of which is a $6K credit card debt I am told I owe for a credit card I had back in 2000.  I found that sum to be bullshit since the card balance never exceeded $2K, but whatever, right?  This credit card from almost 10 years ago is seriously haunting me.  I watch “Supernatural” religiously, and Sam and Dean always say ghosts remain due to unfinished business.  So does anyone have their phone number?  Because I need them to salt and burn the bones of this mess.  I don’t want it coming back again to haunt me!

I was living in Barcelona, Spain, in May 2008, and that was the time when my bank account one day up and had a lien put against it, which was for me, out of nowhere.  Well, when I returned home to NYC in June of 2008, I saw all these letters from a law office who had taken the debt and tried to collect it.  They went to court, and since I didn’t show, they were awarded the lien.  I’m like, I WAS IN EUROPE, YA FUX!  Nonetheless, when I called, the idiot on the phone told me until I had $6K to pay them, the lien would remain, and they were completely unwilling to work out what the fuck this debt was.  Because again, to me, I remembered that credit card being paid off.  I closed it ages before once I realized me and credit cards were not going to be friends.

Now, I have progressed through the rest of 2008 and into 2009 with this lien on my account.  I haven’t had a well-paying enough job to afford a lawyer of my own to combat this retardation, and I wasn’t going to pay what I didn’t believe I owed.  So that left me using a pre-paid credit card for larger purchases like plane tickets (actually, there was only one of those).

I had called my bank several months ago after this happened, and they told me that the account would not be closed due to the lien.  It was illegal to do that.  Also, even if I let the balance drop below zero (they still charge “maintenance fees” even when you aren’t using the account), they still wouldn’t close it.  Of course, I still paid the account up to zero, tossing in a few bucks here and there, just to be safe.

Then about a week ago, I get a call from the bank saying I needed to make a deposit to bring my account to zero at least, or else the account was in danger of being closed.  Imagine my confusion.  I went down to the bank, and deposited like $25 or something.  But I wanted to make sure it was applied and all was well.  So, I checked the balance online the next day.  Now, since May of 2008, I have seen a balance of -$11,535 or something ludicrous.  The point of that balance wasn’t that I owed that much.  That was just a number to indicate my account was frozen except for deposits.  Well, when I logged in last week, my balance said a few bucks over.  I couldn’t figure that out, so I scrolled through the transactions on my accounts, which were nearly nonexistent for aforementioned reasons.  The lien wasn’t anywhere in the records all the way back to a year ago.  I don’t understand because it has been there up to this summer for sure, then being the last time I looked online at the dumb account.

Needless to say, I called the bank Saturday or Friday, and I explained the situation to the woman on the line, asked her what was going on.  In the past, they have seen the lien.  And if I had questions, they directed me to some department in the bank.  The lady I spoke with though saw nothing and knew nothing about a lien.  She had no idea what I was talking about.

Isn’t that odd?

The terms given me by the douchebag I spoke to back in June 2008 were not met because I refused to meet an obligation I didn’t owe.  Yet somehow the penalty vanished.  Does that make sense?

I’m going to call the bank Tuesday and see if I can discuss it with the department I was sent to before.  If they say the same thing, I suppose I’ll have to call the third party about this, the Law Offices of Douchebag and Dumbfuck.  I have a hard time thinking the issue was EMP’d out of existence, but maybe there was a time frame attached to the lien or something.

I have never been the type of person to get excited over something good happening.  It just comes with the territory of losing too much along the path of life.  Out of that is born the reaction not to encounter this situation and say, “Sweet!  I’m clear!” because I wonder why the lien vanished in the first place.  Like I said earlier, was there a time frame attached to it?  Did the frame expire?  Is it a glitch?  Does the lady I spoke to even know how to read the account?  If i use the account, will it still route all deposits to the Law Offices of Douchebag and Dumbfuck?  All these questions immediately popped into my mind when I saw the balance was no longer negative sixty-six billion.

Does this reaction make me negative myself?  Pessimistic?  Oh well.

I just don’t want to use the account and have all my hard-earned savings vanish due to a second attempt with the lien.  Especially right when I’m saving for Europe.  Or worse, WHEN I’m in Europe.  Wouldn’t that be some ass?

I’m so blackened by this burn of realizing that my money could be taken from me at any moment unless I stuff it in the freezer that I no longer feel a bank is secure.  Not that I was dumb enough to think it was my personal Fort Knox, but still.  One doesn’t expect to have his account locked from the other side.

So when I find out more, I’ll update you.

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

Should I Retire?

•October 8, 2009 • 5 Comments

(The structure of today’s blog is about how my brain felt today, all day, non-stop.)

so i have been thinking today a lot about modeling

and whether or not i should or am meant to continue

very serious contemplation

i know that at the moment, if i jumped back in, i’d have to be re-introduced to agencies

maybe some old ones would take me back

maybe not

my hair’d be short, full-on so

i’d change my body more

i’d be a bit older

i don’t know

i think what i want is for direction either way? retire? continue?

i mean, it’s not that i have been stopped by the world of modeling

agencies took me and i worked and they liked me

here’s why i ask though

i have been thinking lately about how i should check in with my agency here in nyc
see what’s up

if they dropped me or not

why it’s been quiet

what they wanna do

etc.

well, i got a call when i was working this morning from the agency

they wanted to know how i was, what was up in general

basically, same idea

i thought that was interesting

so on break i figured i’d visit; they are nearby

so i did

and my agent tells me he called for two reasons

one was what i just said

and two was to say they have a new scout for asia they have worked with who’s really on the ball, so if i were interested in going still, they would put me out there for asia

but they didn’t know where i stood with things

and they haven’t contacted me for a couple months due to letting me recover with my back

whether or not i believe all that, who knows

guess it doesn’t matter

but i think, if they wanted to drop me and be done with it, why mention this asia option?

i discussed it all with them

and gave my agent plenty of doors to back out through to not keep me on board

but he said if i wanted to keep on, he’d do it, too; it was my choice

i think my other agent is sorta over it all

it’s been difficult sometimes, but what career isn’t?

then again, i never credited him with being much of a fighter

hence why his agency has not grown much in 15 years

so i don’t know

the timing came together at the same moment for us to reach out to each other
but for what?

to ask what was up?

how’s there direction in that?

i guess what i really think about is if i do this, how will i work this one out?

I mean, I need to pay off the car and the bank issue most of all and this you know

I am saving to do just that

I’d also like to invest now, during this downturn in the economy, while stocks are low

you know, buy low, sell high

somehow along the way maybe be a day trader, finally stop working for the man

live on earnings like that

i don’t need much, and i know it’s doable

but i’d need to save a chunk to invest in that, at least $5,000

i’m told $10,000 would be better

yeah, lemme pull that out of my ass

now, what does that mean? do I say no to modeling and keep working at this job i have, which as you saw on my P&L for Matt Lawrence, Inc., has been good money?

that way I can save the money i earn there, pay the bills, invest, and just forget modeling?  but it’s just serving tables

because if i continue modeling, I figure i’d have to wait until the spring, and while I’ll save a chunk before then, i’m not sure how much and if i’ll have enough to live on. I would need to have savings to live on while i go abroad, because who knows if I’ll get work, or how much.

i mean, taking the step to buy a ticket and fly to whereverland is no worry

i can do that easily

plenty of practice

did I tell you i’m taking a two-week vacation to germany and switzerland, practically out of the blue?  haha

but i guess it’d be the fact that i’d have to quit this good job

and come back to no job

and if i earned not enough to bother on, or nothing at all, then i’m coming back sunk in finances

and i feel like at this time in life, i really need to have more saved and invested and just be better off financially

now, of course, that’s part of the appeal with modeling, especially catalog modeling, which is what i would do more of as i age

it pays bank compared to other jobs

Bankasaurus rex

one job i could live on for a month most likely

and when i’m abroad, i can budget like a mutha fucker

you think i did that in september? that was snack food

lol

and that means i could save that money, and invest it, and do with it what i have planned to do with the tip money i have been earning

but you know what i mean. i guess it just is a gamble on whether or not it’d be smart to go, whether or not i’d dip into savings and make nothing back, break even, or profit.

and the only real part that would suck is, i’d lose my job because i’d have to quit.
but then again, am i in nyc, and alive, to be a server?

good money or not?

when does saving and earning money serving tables end, and pressing forward in the career begin?

you know?

when I find that job that pays better than a server’s job WITH benefits? maybe that’s modeling? because in modeling, i’m a freelancer, and i can get benefits through the freelancer’s union

i’m already a member

but what if i don’t model?

what if i decide to continue this path now? realistically?

i’m a server

i earn four to five thousand a month generally

i have no benefits

so i decide to save and invest

when does investing turn into a livable income?

i wanna write

when does writing turn into a livable income?

fact is, it could be years on both, if ever

the gamble is the same

it just looks safer because i’m in my own country

and if i do earn enough and save enough and invest enough and get livable returns, what then?

i’ll still want to travel

so the goal there will remain

so where would i really stand if i retire from modeling now due to these reasons?

so yeah, ALL THAT (waves hands wildly) has been on my mind today, heavily, not casually, and in the sense of deciding now whether or not to retire from modeling, and whatever the answer, that that answer be binding, which is what i want, one way or another

i’m really looking for insight from anyone willing to offer it

i am biased and emotionally attached to this situation

anyone?

P.S. I got my NY state drivers license today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

Profit & Loss Report, Matt Lawrence, Inc., 09/09

•October 6, 2009 • 3 Comments

I have finally calculated the month-long income and expense report for September 2009.  On one hand, I’m surprised by some expenses.  On the other, I’m surprised some expenses weren’t worse.

INCOME

  • Job #1:  $2,034
  • Job #2:  $3,521

EXPENSES

  • Food and Drink (non-alcoholic):  $398
  • Bills (all-inclusive, not rent):  $410
  • Rent:  $325
  • Laundry:  $30
  • Transportation (including metro card):  $121
  • Entertainment (movies, etc.):  $32
  • Work Shoes:  $65
  • Wine (bottles):  $108
  • Alcohol (non-wine):  $54
  • Sex Toys:  $16
  • Books:  $35
  • Putting Money on Pre-Paid Credit Card:  $200
  • Check-Cashing Fee:  $24
  • Furniture and House Needs:  $1,415
  • Bank Deposit:  $25
  • Money Lent Out:  $10
  • Drivers License Fee:  $61
  • Plane Ticket to Europe:  $610
  • Calculation Errors (unaccounted):  $89

So in one month, I earned from two jobs a grand whopping total of $5,555.  That number makes me laugh.  haha  Somehow I lost $89, whether I miscounted or dropped money or forgot an expense or snorted coke with a bill, WHATEVER it was.  I felt like I spent so much money going out with friends and all that, but then I look, and I see I didn’t do jack shit.  What I did do was spend money on alcohol and take it home with me apparently.  Now, admittedly, the $1,415 in furniture and housing needs are all expenses that are one-time.  Fortunately.  I bought a great, three-piece living room set for a grand, and $150 more went to a new futon mattress and cover, then the rest went to shelves.  Also, the $610 to Europe, well, that’s clearly one-time.

I was really surprised that I spent less than $400 on food and drink (coffee, included), but I guess it makes sense since I can eat family meal at both jobs, and drink coffee at both as well.

So of $4,028 that is the sum of all the expenses, $2,421 (approximately) is comprised of one-time expenses.  That means I can expect to have $1,607 in monthly expenses, all-inclusive.  I find that odd since I estimated, what?  $600 in monthlies minus food when I started this blog?  Of course, extra expenses for monthlies here include paying a couple hundred to my credit card, assuming I use it fully monthly and pay it back completely that same month, which I have thought about doing so that I can build good credit.

So this has been a financial depiction in very short form of my month of September.  I need to figure out now where to trim, and if it’s possible.  Yes, the one-timers, they shouldn’t afflict me anymore, but we all know my list of needs earlier on, and it’s full of OTHER one-timers.  A new mouthful of teeth anyone?  Yeah.  That’s got break-the-bank written all over it.

What I was glad for is that the first job, which I’d love to transition out of, met my monthly needs, and I essentially have the second job to save, regardless of one-timers or not.  So that’s good.

Have any of you had successes trimming your budgets down?  What secrets can you divulge to help me?  Do you even have any secrets/ideas that you’d be willing to share?  I’m all ears.  Also, do you think I need to keep doing a detailed income and expense report like this for myself?  Maybe not to share anymore since what’d be the point, but at least for me?  Or should this serve as strong enough of a sample of my financials and then just do another month like this in, say, January?

This is the first time I have done this much in terms of recording budgets and such.  I’m surprised I made it this far.  Financial survival though, it is one of my goals!

Oh, and P.S., I forbore my student loans.  So I have some time there, too.

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

Ich gehe nach Deutschland und die Schweiz!

•October 1, 2009 • 4 Comments

I’m stoked about going to Europe again soon.  Well, somewhat soon.  End of December.  lol  I have only been to the airport in Frankfurt when I was en route to Israel when I moved there at the beginning of 2008.  Yes, in case you are wondering, I’m visiting Germany.  It’s where my buddy lives.  Also, I’ll be in Switzerland for a bit.  I have been to Lugano, which was beautiful, and to the airports in Zurich and Geneva.  They don’t count.  haha  So I’m excited to see both countries more in-depth.

Now, being the traveler I am, I see this as an opportunity to visit other places, too, if I can fit that in without it being a pain in the ass.  In Germany, I’ll be on the western side, so I’d love to see if I could plot out a trip to Holland, namely, Amsterdam.  Also, Brussels, Belgium, would be cool.  Or even within Germany, to Hamburg or Munich or something.  These are just my mindless ideas bouncing around my brain pan.

I miss living in Europe massively, and I would love to figure out a way to move back.  I enjoyed my life there.  I have been learning to enjoy life period, not assign value and enjoyment to my location.  Oddly, that’s been tough.  New York City bores me, so it doesn’t help that I see Europe as so close, but so far away.

What I need to figure out is how to maximize my trip.  Most important is chilling with my bro, naturally.  But I would love to figure out some great trips or sights.  Does anyone have a suggestion?  I am calling on any of you who might read this and know of such opportunities to reach back to me with a heads-up.  PLEEAAASSEEE!

On the other hand, I look forward to taking my Eve with me (for those not in the know, Eve is my Mac) and sitting in a chair along a lake in the winter in Switzerland, and simply writing.  How inspiring!  Yes, cold, but INSPIRING!  For some reason, cold weather is highly inspirational to me.  Is that odd?  haha  And for sure, I will be taking whirlwinds of photos with my camera.  From what I have seen thus far, both countries have so much scenery to behold, and you all know how much of a sucker I am for landscapes.

I wish I knew my ancestors a bit more.  A small part of my lineage comes from the western region of Germany and the eastern region of France, not much, but a bit.  I would love to find out where, and maybe see those places.  I mean, any relatives who’d know are long since worm food, but still, it’d be neat to know and see!

So if anyone has a suggestion or warning or comment about this, please post it.  I would love to hear them all!

P.S. Tomorrow marks the end of my one month of financial tracking.  It should prove interesting to see where my money’s been going.  Stay tuned!

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence

I’z Uh Big Spenduh, Yo!

•September 30, 2009 • 2 Comments

Yeah, I totally took my goal to save money, and hurled the bitch over the mountain side.  Completely drop-kicked it today.

I started out the day in a line at the DMV.  That was a joy.  I was only in line for a couple of HOURS I’LL NEVER GET BACK!  But needless to say, after a bad photo, a joke of an eye exam, a reduction of money in the amount of $60.75, and memories of a line that never ended, I am now in the process of waiting for my NY state license to arrive via post.

I’m getting my New York State license!  Another goal bites the dust!

After leaving the DMV, I found out I had the night off since we were slow, so I went home.  I ended up thinking about things for the apartment I have wanted to buy to make general home living better.  Not that I live in the slums, because I have a nice place, but I decided to go buy the things on my mental list that’s been there for ages.  So I went to Target for round one.

I bought a new shelving unit for the shower stall since bottles are all over the place.  I also bought a new shower head, one that’s new, not old, not clogged up, and this new one happened to be much wider for a good price.  So now I have a waterfall idea going on, with massage!  I also bought a toilet paper hook thingy since before the roll was on the back of the toilet, and sometimes on the floor when it fell.  And finally, I bought a new anti-fog shaving mirror with razor hook since my last one is about 77 years old and is so not anti-fog anymore.

I came home and assembled and ratcheted and sawed and MacGyver’d my way into getting it all put up, and might I say, it’s hawt.  🙂  Then I tried to put on the shower head, and realized I couldn’t find the pliers to tighten it, so I figured I would have to wait.  Then I found a pair of Nike sunglasses with interchangeable lens that I wore from back in 2001, and had sitting in my car glove compartment.  Since I never check there, I forgot about them, but they had broken, too, so I never cared.  But I found them, and decided to glue them and use them.  That meant super glue.  So between that and pliers, I made round two to Target.  I bought a couple food items, and left, thus totaling about $130 I spent there today.

Then, once home and finishing my home improvement projects, which again, are awesome, I decided to research flight prices.  A great buddy of mine invited me to Germany and Switzerland over the New Year, so I checked out flights.  I fought one on one of my two favorite airlines, and the round-trip ticket for a two-week vacation was only $610, all-inclusive!  So I bought that, too.

Finally, I paid off my credit card balance I owed.  It’s my first payment on the low-balance card I took out so that I could repair my credit from a second direction, the first direction being paying off these debts I have from a fucking decade ago.  So, I’m on my way to improved credit finally!

Also, I followed up with Sallie Whore (Sallie Mae, for those of you without a sense of humor), and got my loans forbore.  I think what will be best for me right now is to apply for a year deferment, and then in that year, save a killer amount, and do the investing I mentioned in an earlier blog, and start paying back the loans via that channel.  If I pay on the loans timely each month for three years straight uninterrupted by deferments and forbearances, I will receive a reduction in my interest rate by 1%, so it’ll go from 3.125% to 2.125%.  I mean, why not, right?

In the end, today, I was a ridiculously big spender.  I DROPPED A FUCKING GRAND!  What is that?  So much for saving my $4,000+.  lol  I have rent still due, and bills, but after that, I’m back to saving every dime again.  Especially since now I also have a big trip coming up to Europe where maybe I can toss in a couple day trips to Amsterdam or Brussels or Copenhagen!  I’m so excited!

Anyhow, I feel like I was productive today, and that I made more improvements in my life.  Step by step, even when the steps look minuscule, I am getting to my overall life goal.  And it’s becoming more and more exciting.  Regardless of past bitching in blogs, I really feel so optimistic about my future.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!

© Copyright 2009 Matt Lawrence